Sometimes battles are so hidden that the world around you is too bright and laughter too loud. This last week has been a rough and rocky one and all I could think was that I’m failing and nothing’s working. I’d seemed to be “doing” all the right things so what happened?
I am not perfect. That’s what happened/happens. Others aren’t perfect and that’s what happened/happens. Life isn’t perfect and that’s what happened/happens.
I had the strongest urge ever to just give up…writing, school, work, church, people, all of it. I wasn’t suicidal, but I was definitely on a downward spiral to self sabotage. I could feel it, and the snickers and reese’s peanut butter cup wrappers sitting on my desk at work were not helping matters.
I shut down and just became numb sometime around Wednesday night/Thursday morning. Just like a robot, going through the motions without the gift of emotions. I smiled at work, did my job and attended to all the matters of the week, all the while checked out. I barely prayed, read my Bible, didn’t write. I felt God had just up and got frustrated with me so why should I bother.
By Friday I could feel that I was going to crack – thankfully – some feeling. Throughout the day tears would threaten to spring up and spill out. Friday night came and went with family. And I was pushing through – while the battle waged on within.
Saturday morning I sat down and wrote in my journal, cracked open my Bible study and did the unnatural, supernatural thing of picking up where I left off and God was right there to tell me He loved me. He showed me through that time along with pen and paper and Scripture and then in a phone call and then a little later in the day with this card from our youngest niece.
Little did she know this was the most important message I needed to know. Te recap this imperfect week came the perfect reminder of God’s love. One of the keys to thriving in our imperfect world with our imperfect selves is to remember His great love for us in all things – His never ending, all perfect love.
So from one imperfect person to another, God loves us and His way is the best. We can trust Him through our insecurities, our silent (or not so silent) battles, our fears and our failures. He is faithful. We can trust Him. The “imperfect” is the best backdrop for His perfection. Embrace it!
Psalm 30:11-12 (NKJV)
11 You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
12 To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.
With all my heart,
Sonia
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