Attention Please (can also be referred to as “A ‘TENSION’ Please”)

How’d we all do with the Thanksgiving festivities (or lack thereof)? This year, like all years (and like most people, I’m pretty sure) looked different. How do you do when different isn’t necessarily what you wanted? Do you resist the change, lament over the past, resent the new normal? I have so many questions this Black Friday morning. I am sans coffee as I type so that’s my disclaimer before I go any further in my post! Read on, if you dare.

I’ll be honest here, my changes for this holiday were not what I wanted. Without going into all the private family details, I will share that key people were missing for me. There was a void – a big one, and amidst all the food prep and sweet moments that did take place, this void loomed so largely that I couldn’t concentrate on anything else for most of the day. It felt like I was in a strange dream scape that I would wake up from at some point, but instead, the whole day passed with this uneasiness and tension in my soul that camped out for good.

By the time the dishes were washed, the clock showed near midnight, I was looking forward to one thing: that tomorrow wouldn’t be today. Before turning out the light I opened up my phone and found this insta post from Jackie Hill Perry (if you don’t know who she is – Google her!!)

This was a profound reminder to me that the tension in our lives demands attention – not for nothing – but, so that we can choose. That’s when I looked up this verse in 1 Thessalonians 5:18
“In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

Right there at the end of the day with the new day dawning was this BIG truth: THIS was God’s will for me. He has something going on behind the scenes that I know nothing about, but He does and that’s what matters. I can choose to be thankful in all that I can see is happening, at the same time I can choose to have faith for everything else.

In The Chosen series Mary Magdalene says this line, “I was one way, and now I am completely different, and the thing that happened in between was Him.”

We are in the “in between” and the tension along the way is His will for our lives. The outcome of all of this is that we will be changed, more into the image He created. That’s the sweet spot of tension, CHANGE.

We can be thankful for the GREAT CHANGE. Thanksgiving 2022 taught me so so much, and I am truly grateful because God allowed the tension that got my attention in the very best way. For those of you with those voids too, I am praying for you this morning. Whatever healing you need, God is waiting to bind up. Thank you for reading today. Have a super thankful Black Friday!

With all my heart, Sonia

Looking Forward Backwards

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” –Soren Kierkegaard

This last week has brought much change. Some of it good, some of it bad, some of it still remains to be seen – all of which I’m sure will be used to take me in the direction I’m supposed to be going. Last night on a drive home with a few friends we discussed why history is important. I think history is vital not only for a reminder, but a viewpoint that God gives to say, “See, that’s why.” In taking a historical look at my life things now make sense, but looking forward, NOTHING makes sense. I think it’s like that for everyone so why do we spend so much time trying to make sense of the “forward life”? So here’s a little snapshot of my history with regards to what looked like a catastrophic event in my young adult life. I got pregnant at 18. I didn’t have a relationship with God. I struggled with what to do with a baby since I was a terrible mess. Many people looked at my life at that time as just a waste because I was a teen mom. What they didn’t know, what I didn’t know, was that that would be the only time I was ever able to conceive. Please don’t take this the wrong way. I was living a sinful life, was an unwed mother, teen mom, college dropout and whatever else tainted my resume – but God knew the bigger picture. In 2006 I was diagnosed with “Unexplained Secondary Infertility” and came to the agonizing realization that I would never be able to give my husband his own biological child (we could not afford IVF). He is not my daughter’s biological father. He helped raise her since she was 10 years old, and she is definitely his daughter, and he is most definitely her dad so for that I am grateful. I thank God for the opportunity to have a baby when I did. That would be the only experience I would ever have to bear a child. God knew that. I didn’t, and no one else did either. I was reminded recently of these verses: Revelation 1:8 “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End…” and Revelation 1:17 “…Do not be afraid, I am the First and the Last.” He knows everything. He sees it all. Jesus’ life did not make any sense in the forward viewpoint either. It didn’t make sense until after the resurrection. I think that’s the point here in everything. Nothing will make sense until those resurrections in our lives. With resurrection comes revelation – then we get to see. I think I spend a lot of time and give a lot of real estate in my mind in trying to figure it out. I try to make sense out of everything when I should be knowing that it just won’t make sense looking forward. My husband told me that in all synagogues the place where the rabbi teaches from points in the direction of Jerusalem so when Jesus was reading from the book of Isaiah (Luke 4:17-21) He was facing the direction of Calvary. For believers, that’s our direction too, and it won’t make sense until we look back. So I have to ask myself, “Hi there, Miss Control Freak, are you going to spend countless hours in agonizing perplexity or are you going to trust and rest knowing that you’re safely in His grip?” That means I need to be okay with loose ends, sometimes no answers and the understanding that it may look tragic today but whatever He has planned, it’s good. So those are the two themes for this week: TRUST. DIRECTION. Trust His direction. Trust His perspective. Trust His plan, and be okay with looking forward BACKWARDS. I’d be interested in your thoughts on your backwards forwards too. Have a blessed week, friends! 🙂